Posted at May 8, 2020

Totally Legit Plan to Bring Back the NBA Season (I Swear)

While news on the NBA returning to play again this season is sparse, the plan is to still play out the season. With Adam Silver expressing his hope to return, either in empty stadiums or in a remote location, there’s still a sliver of hope we actually get to see the season end. Although I think it’s going to be a tremendous task getting back on track. Providing the safety of not only the players but countless members of staff that will have to be constantly tested and isolated from the rest of the world won’t be easy. Unfortunately, I just don’t think it will happen.

So, how to finish the season without risking harm? How do you play basketball without stepping on the court? Now here is my totally real, totally not a joke, foolproof plan on how to bring back basketball. NBA2k. Brilliant I know. Can’t play on a real court, make em’ duke it out digitally. We have the technology, now just make world-class athletes join the pantheon of the truly elite, gamers.

Through extensive study I have come up with not only the plan but the outcome as well. Which team is fueled with enough g-fuel and Dorito dust to take home the trophy? Going by the current standings in the East the Bucks, Raptors, Celtics, Heat, Pacers, 76ers, Nets, and Magic make the cut in that order. For the Western Conference it’ll be the Lakers, Clippers, Nuggets, Jazz, Thunder, Rockets, Mavericks, and Grizzlies.

Going by how young each team is, we can decipher who has the most players that can handle the intensity of getting screamed at by a 13-year-old. The youngest team in the league are the Memphis Grizzlies with Ja Morant leading the charge (jk). Alright Ja might not be a god gamer but they would play against one of the oldest teams in the NBA, the Lakers. Easy right? Nope. The Lakers have the ultimate wild card. Lebron James, LeGM himself, uses 2k to practice different rotations and plays while not on the court, and with Kuzma, who’s participated in a couple of Call of Duty and 2k tournaments are a force to be reckoned with.

A few highlights of this tournament include the Celtics, another very young team, led by Gordon Hayward. The man who haunts every twitch ad with reminding gamers their internet is trash and to use his not-trash service. Hayward streams regularly on twitch along with a few of his teammates. A notable addition is the resident gamer of the NBA, Josh Hart. Except the Pelicans didn’t make the playoffs so they’re irrelevant.

While I could go through every team, we’ll fast forward to the conference finals. With the four teams being the Lakers vs. Clippers and the Celtics vs. Heat. While the Lakers may have the wild card and two of the best basketball players on their team, the Clippers have Paul George. The Cavs own Andre Drummond has said that George was the “Ninja of basketball players.” All jokes aside, George is actually super active in the gaming community and is even a co-owner of the e-sports team Endemic. Moving on, while I think it’s tough the Lakers beat out the Clippers by a fraction thanks to Kuzma hanging out in the background. With the Heat and Celtics, while Leonard is a gamer and Jimmy Buckets embodies that gamer mentality I have to give it up to the Celtics.

…And that leaves us with the finals of the Lakers and Celtics, again. A tale as old as Bill Russell. Kyrie truly used his third eye to predict the pandemic and future matchup to force himself out of the playoffs. But who will win? Between Lebron and the Lakers and Hayward and the Celtics. Well in my totally not biased opinion the Lakers once again win and Lebron gets the fourth chip. Wrap it up folks, nothing else to see, Adam crown the champs, pack up for next year and congrats to the Lakers and Rob Lowe with the 4-d chess of signing a bunch of gamers.


1 Comment on this Article

  • Norm May 09TH, 2020

    Your commentary is good but as an OLD MAN I wasn’t understanding all of the language used to describe what would be taking place. Give me the OLD 5 on 5 push and shove, grind it out basketball as I know it. It probably will not be the same but there is wishful thinking.🏀👍

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