You are taking the easy way out.

This phrase is probably the one that hurts the most. Nothing about this process has been easy. People think that once you have the surgery you are automatically skinny. No, it doesn’t work like that. For the first 6mo you are under a supervised diet plan. You start out with clear liquids, then full liquids, then purees, then soft stage, and finally whole foods. For the first month I could barely keep anything down. You are expected to drink 64oz of water per day or face dehydration. It was impossible to get in 12oz.

This surgery has been such a mental game. For a person who was addicted to food and suddenly is unable to eat all the food they loved, it’s hard to process. When I mean that I had a food addition, I mean I had a literal food addition. I still have a food addiction, but it has transformed into something different. I used to buy a lot of food and eat it all. Sometimes I would buy groceries and eat them all during the night. Having my fridge stocked always gave me pride and reassurance. I think it stems from the fact that my parents always stocked the fridge to the max and always made sure our fridge was full because they grew up in poverty and didn’t want their children to ever go hungry like they did. After my surgery, I missed food. Food had always been my solace, my eternal confident. All of a sudden, the one thing that was my constant was taken from me. There were certain foods I couldn’t eat. I gave up meat for almost two years because my new stomach couldn’t tolerate the density and texture of meat. All of a sudden, my most favorite foods tasted disgusting. Since my surgery I haven’t eaten pasta, rice, or bread. I haven’t consumed any carbonated drink. It’s been a total lifestyle change. I still have a food addiction that I battle with every day. I still buy dozens of groceries and stock my fridge to the max. The only difference is that every week I have to throw the food away because I don’t eat it. The thing is I know I won’t eat it, but I still buy it because food has always been my friend and it has been the hardest thing to let go.

After the surgery I rarely felt hungry. I had to learn to remind myself to eat. If I didn’t, I would feel faint and weak. There were days where I barely got 400 calories in. As a bariatric patient you have to learn to prioritize your food. You have to learn to eat your protein first, then your veggies, and if you are still hungry then you neat your carbs. You have to aim to consume between 60-80 grams of protein. Consuming protein is essential for recovery. “The body needs additional protein during the period of rapid weight loss to maintain your muscle mass. Protein is also required to have a healthy metabolism. If you don’t provide enough protein in your diet, the body will take its protein from your muscles and you can become weak” (ASMBS, 2020). During this time, I had to make myself drink multiple protein drinks throughout the day. Almost two years post op I still drink multiple protein shakes per day to meet my protein goal.

After surgery my mental health was declining. I missed food and constantly felt weak and tired. I entered a new level of depression that I had never experienced before. I wasn’t eating, drinking my protein, drinking my water, and I wasn’t taking my vitamins. I had never experienced that type of depression before. I didn’t want to leave my bed; I was always angry and didn’t want to have contact with people. Before surgery I was a very social person, after surgery I didn’t want to leave my room. I had also become obsessed with losing weight. I weighed myself multiple times a day and if I wasn’t a number lower than before I would stop eating and drinking. I am very thankful to my family during this time because they put up with me during this darkness. They were there to support me, put up with my moods, and whip my butt when I needed it. Having someone support you during this time physically and emotionally is crucial.

ASMBS. (2020). Life After Bariatric Surgery. Retrieved from: https://asmbs.org/patients/life-after-bariatric-surgery