how it creeps up, unannounced,

like an uninvited visit by anxiety

that tightens up the entire body;

a whisper from the conscious that’s

lodged deep within my soul, divides

the house of the heart and mind, which

is plagued by confusion, and the other

leading roles of this emotional play;

short breaths, and the sweat exposes

on patches of my skin; skin deep while

trying to find ways to hide myself,

fighting off the overwhelming sensitivity;

why won’t it go away, drawn like a moth

to a flame, only left to be bruised in

slow motions once exposed, like a nightmare

that has leaped from my trapped dreams

into a reality, say it isn’t so, I pray tell to

myself while fighting the unexpected tears…

my heart is the stage, as my spirit

gives the performance; my mind

evaluates, critiques every point and move;

but even the greatest performance can

be overshadowed, and everything that

was together smoothly, disintegrates,

and is lost in the cold, cruel world;

lonliness feasts in my bottomless pit

of what’s left, which feels like nothing;

and yet, still, I hear the murmurs

of compliments and such; why,

when behind the complimentary smiles

is a disgust look, or some sort of hateful look,

anxiously waiting to turn the other cheek;

I have not a care, what do you want from me,

I can only give and do but so much; as much

as I want to cast myself into the eternally

skies of your heaven; I am held back

tremendously, and can’t take that leap;

to be swallowed, drowning in my very own fears…