Everything was starting to fall apart. The world kept turning it’s back on us. Nothing was coming about like it should be. These thoughts plagued myself as I sat out in the cold winter day glancing down at my beloved service animal. Sometimes the worst isn’t the physical world, as I inhaled from my quickly dissolving cigarette. The smoke wafted upwards and out into the dark sky leaving only my thoughts and my German Shepherd.

It’s time’s like this that I truly contemplate the what ifs, of what could’ve been. I let my hand drop onto his head scratching lightly checking to make sure that he still felt hot to the touch. He tilted his head up as I stared down at him from my different colored eyes. Maybe not everything is awful but the fact of the time running down the drain is. I wonder how it came to be this awful and retched thought process and all it takes is a bus ride to remember.

The door opens, and I glance at the person swaddled up like it was a typhon outside as I felt a gentle snow speck flicker onto my nose. She glances my way before turning her nose up at me. I tap against his head before he growls at her direction in agitation. How is it that a dog understands my predicament better than these people that I’ve been forced to categorize myself with?

Stubbing the dead cigarette out I sat down on the round bench tables watching the cars drive to and for; away and back; far and short. Resentful that I have these feelings of being trapped. Sometimes I want to pack up and go to California where I would be accepted into a veterinarian college and easy enough to find work. Then my emotions of feelings hinder where I want to go. The little voice inside my head stating that family is important, and I can’t leave until one way or another this is resolved.

Dylan nudged my knee as I glanced down at him wandering what he wanted however, he started to walk dragging me along. In instances such as this it makes me feel like someone has my back. He guided me to the bus stop before sitting down once again obviously wanting me to wait for the next bus too.

As the bus approached Dylan stood up stretching gently before the doors opened easily hopping on with me as I scanned my id and showed his. The bus driver tried to explain that I didn’t have to, but I just simply replied, “I know.” Sitting on the three seats used for people with wheelchairs Dylan glanced at me as I nodded before he hopped up onto the chairs taking to for himself lying his head on my lap. We both watched the bus driver as he smiled gently to himself when he saw the picture we made.

In some instances, I feel like I can understand the human-race once again through the bond of animals. I glanced at Dylan running my hands gently through his winter coat. It is times like these that I truly felt the most grounded to my life. I wish life could be this moment on repeat over and over again.

Dylan suddenly moved causing me to look up at the stop of 16^th Street and Curtis, waving lightly at the bus driver. Dylan stood tall glancing all around before calmly placing one paw in front of another somehow knowing I would follow. Quickly realizing where he was taking me, I laughed. “I hope this means your buying the tickets for this date, huh?” I questioned him lightly with a smile on my face and a twinkle in my eye. Dylan huffed seemingly put out by such a thing.

Walking up to the booth the lady greeted me somehow recognizing me while to me she was only vaguely familiar. She glanced at Dylan before stuttering started, “Huh, I-I don’t know how to uh, handle um, your situation?”

Dylan glanced at me clearly unimpressed as I felt, “If you don’t know go find then your manger.”

My hand clenched into a fist as my mind collapsed around the edges. I was being sat down like a naughty five-year-old who stole from the cookie jar. I glanced at my sister wondering what was happening. My gaze must have been to intense because she started to cry. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders bringing her into my space; in every which way possible. “Your sister’s pee test came back hot,” one of the followers of sheep, finally commented.

            My whole-body freezes as Paige whispers words, “I don’t… didn’t… I just… never…” My eyes lifted to the sheep and I screamed.

The glaze leaves my eyes as I feel something bumping into my leg and licking my hand. Glancing down I see Dylan looking up at me with an understanding gaze in his brown eyes. My breathing evens out by the time the manger comes out.

“Sorry about the delay, Ma’am,” he says softly gazing at me, pitying me. “May I see his I.D., with this entry will be smooth sailing?” I hand it over without much of a fight watching as he scans it quickly with a gentle nod. “Things are all set here, so here is your movie ticket and enjoy the movie. Oh, and if anyone else gives you trouble just flash this,” he says pushing a card with his signature on it.

I nod walking in before going to the food court. “What do you want?” I glance down seeing him pointing his nose at the popcorn. “I’ll take a medium popcorn, a large Coca Cola, and a box of Sweet-tarts.” Quickly paying we went up through the escalator to the correct section finding our seats. I looked over calling him up before setting his seat into the farthest setting back as he put his head on the arm rest.

Grabbing a handful for the two of us we split it as we watched calmly the commercials run through. As the movie truly started, I let the soft breath of my German Shepherd waft over my hand and the darkness of the setting seep into my psyche, finally my soul breathed a sigh of relief.

Two and half hours later the movie was over, and I felt like the weight of the world has lifted for a little bit. Walking out to the smoking section Dylan lied down behind my legs as I sat quickly lightly my cigarette. The sun was long gone and the cold nip in the air from before became biting. Bundling tighter I placed my hand in his ear to feel it still nice and warm.

The stars started to peak from behind the clouds as the last of the snow fell creating a kind of wonderland. Checking to see when the next bus comes, I saw that we had an easy fifteen-minute wait. With a small smile we both started towards the stop with an easy going pace. It’s hard to breath a lot of the times but with Dylan now back in my life the little things to enjoy are coming back.