here we go again…

I lie in bed, thinking

I wasn’t going to wake, but did,

another day, I get up to let it begin,

the television speaks of another murder,

another man down, my brother has fallen,

do I even want to step foot outside,

it’s no longer safe, not for me, not for us…

going on about my day anyway…

down the street I move, eyes are

glaring, sneering at me, they keep

their distance, the men in uniform

eyeing me, feels like they’re piercing

into my brain to see if I’ll be up to no good,

I’m just trying to get to work, not thinking

about anything or anyone really,

I shouldn’t have left the house…

the hours stretch into forever…

I wonder how long I’ll last,

this mask can only veil but so much

as I can feel it chip away to reveal

how much I’m dying inside, but still

holding on through this cracked smile,

how much longer can I be pleasant

when no fucks are given about me

and my own that are like me,

how much can we hold on, how much longer…?

just want to get home…

I get hassled which is now taking forever

to get me back to my solitude,

but I finally make it, phone blares away

of messages and calls, of loved ones

asking if I’m okay and to call them,

their worries clouding over me,

so much expectations, this place

wasn’t made for me or my kind,

as I contemplate what device to use

to just end it all, my ancestors faintly

whisper to keep going, and that I’m

going to make it one day…

not today…

hope still plasters in my eyes

that are filled with tears, yes,

my people have went through hell

and high water and still managed

to pave the way for me, and soon,

very soon, it’ll be time to go home,

back to where it all began,

but now I sleep…

a new day begins…